Mandy here. The travel bug was shoved under the covers for a little while as I tried to come up with my life plan. Still looking for a job, still trying to figure out where to live. Lotsa things going on right now. Lease is up. Again.. don't have a job.. dying to travel. Not sure what kind of job I want.. Day job, night job? 9-5 office? Night job.. serving? to make more money? School is definitely going to be thrown in the mix for this summer session or fall depending on transcripts being transferred.. so many choices.. so many options... it's overwhelming and stressful. I have been reading this awesome book called "I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was." I highly recommend it to everyone and anyone. I read a really awesome chapter last night that discusses the person that "rages against the ordinary." Nothing is ever good enough for this person. They want immediate success, gratification. They want shortcuts.. for some reason this person feels they are different--they want to be different. They want to excel and they have huge ambitions.. crazy, lofty dreams. This is a lot to copy and paste but I just have to..
If you're in a rage against the ordinary, you don't want to be a painter; you want to be the greatest painter. You don't want to be a powerful businessperson; you want to be the most powerful businessperson. Glory is so important to you that you're impatient with the chores and details that make life work. You avoid anything that hints at the ordinary on your way to glory, which results in a terribly precarious existence. You deserve a big hit, and you want it now. You don't have time or inclination to build the foundation of skills and know-how that would actually get you a hit.
By the way, there's nothing wrong with a rager's dreams. They're magnificent and well worth going after. But a rager's dream comes with its particular pitfalls. One of these pitfalls is that anything less than the top feels pointless. Starting at the bottom, apprenticing his way to becoming a master at his craft is intolerable; a rager needs to feel he's a master before he really is-and this is a recipe for frustration and rejection.
Big, troubling feelings gnaw at a rager's insides most of the time.
The chapter is much bigger than that and really goes in great depth and detail. Of course it discusses the various ways/reasons people become ragers. The author even describes 3 very different main events/things that happen in childhood that cause a rager to be a rager. Funny thing is I had all 3 things happen to me. I could relate to all of them and felt like someone was taking the words out of my mouth and extracting the thoughts out of my mind. It all makes sense. I don't usually 100% buy into shrinks and what they say about your childhood having such a huge impact on how and why you are the way you are today but I think this author is dead on. It was scary accurate and describes exactly how I feel. I won't bore you with all the details but hopefully I'll be able to work thru my childhood issues and traumas to get my life together. Because if you know me you know that right now I have changed my mind a million times in a million different directions. I'm impulsive, always looking for immediate gratification. I want it now. I don't want to be normal. Normal isn't good enough. I want to travel, I want to have freedom. I want to be my own boss. I want I want I want. I always thought it was ambition and drive that I have (which it is) BUT it has definitely stemmed and been amplified by a few major events/happenings in my childhood.