Sunday, February 13, 2011

I'M A "RAGER"... this book has me figured out.

Mandy here.  The travel bug was shoved under the covers for a little while as I tried to come up with my life plan.  Still looking for a job, still trying to figure out where to live. Lotsa things going on right now. Lease is up. Again.. don't have a job.. dying to travel. Not sure what kind of job I want.. Day job, night job? 9-5 office? Night job.. serving? to make more money? School is definitely going to be thrown in the mix for this summer session or fall depending on transcripts being transferred.. so many choices.. so many options... it's overwhelming and stressful.  I have been reading this awesome book called "I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was."  I highly recommend it to everyone and anyone.  I read a really awesome chapter last night that discusses the person that "rages against the ordinary."  Nothing is ever good enough for this person.  They want immediate success, gratification.  They want shortcuts.. for some reason this person feels they are different--they want to be different.  They want to excel and they have huge ambitions.. crazy, lofty dreams.  This is a lot to copy and paste but I just have to..

If you're in a rage against the ordinary, you don't want to be a painter; you want to be the greatest painter.  You don't want to be a powerful businessperson; you want to be the most powerful businessperson.  Glory is so important to you that you're impatient with the chores and details that make life work.  You avoid anything that hints at the ordinary on your way to glory, which results in a terribly precarious existence.  You deserve a big hit, and you want it now.  You don't have time or inclination to build the foundation of skills and know-how that would actually get you a hit.
By the way, there's nothing wrong with a rager's dreams.  They're magnificent and well worth going after.  But a rager's dream comes with its particular pitfalls.  One of these pitfalls is that anything less than the top feels pointless.  Starting at the bottom, apprenticing his way to becoming a master at his craft is intolerable; a rager needs to feel he's a master before he really is-and this is a recipe for frustration and rejection.
Big, troubling feelings gnaw at a rager's insides most of the time.

The chapter is much bigger than that and really goes in great depth and detail.  Of course it discusses the various ways/reasons people become ragers.  The author even describes 3 very different main events/things that happen in childhood that cause a rager to be a rager.  Funny thing is I had all 3 things happen to me.  I could relate to all of them and felt like someone was taking the words out of my mouth and extracting the thoughts out of my mind.  It all makes sense.  I don't usually 100% buy into shrinks and what they say about your childhood having such a huge impact on how and why you are the way you are today but I think this author is dead on.  It was scary accurate and describes exactly how I feel.  I won't bore you with all the details but hopefully I'll be able to work thru my childhood issues and traumas to get my life together.  Because if you know me you know that right now I have changed my mind a million times in a million different directions.  I'm impulsive, always looking for immediate gratification. I want it now.  I don't want to be normal.  Normal isn't good enough. I want to travel, I want to have freedom. I want to be my own boss. I want I want I want. I always thought it was ambition and drive that I have (which it is) BUT it has definitely stemmed and been amplified by a few major events/happenings in my childhood.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Happy Febrauary

Jay here...can't believe it is already the second week in February.  The weather feels like summer is around the corner.  I have been working so much, have had company and am looking for new as much as I am inspired to update you on what's been goin on...time for shift 2 of the day.  Will update soon :)

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

It's Never Gonna Be The Perfect Time...

Mandy here. Contemplating. As Usual..
I tried to have a relaxing day. Jay and I were able to reconnect a bit and get a much needed mani/pedi at the salon down the road from us.  I will admit I decided to copy her with the color nail polish she picked out... the girl has good taste, what can I say? Anyways we had a nice time catching up seeing as she has been outta town for a good 5 days.  Later this evening I got a massage and that was amazing.. also very relaxing to say the least.
Even in a day full of relaxing treatments I found myself uptight.  The lease is up in a month.  4 weeks from today-- it's just crazy.. I can't believe I've been living in LA for 6 months.  Anyways the point is I wanna throw... yes I said throw.. not to be confused with "organize then place" my items in storage and just GO.  I'm getting restless!
I'm very impulsive but I know the value in planning.  There's endless research to do when deciding to flee the country!!!... from reading others blogs/stories to price comparisons/deal hunting to the hot spots you just can't miss to volunteer opportunities to the logistics of getting around.. I could go on for days you get the point! Where to start? It's overwhelming and I'm someone who likes to be a perfectionist and take advantage of resources and strategic planning to maximize both savings and time but sometimes I feel like you just have to pick up and go.   I suppose there is that happy medium.. some planning... but a lot of "figuring out as you go" as well.
Also you ask yourself is it really the best time in my life? And I feel like the answer will always be yes because otherwise it will always be no.  There will ALWAYS be 100 reasons/excuses why it's not a good time to travel. But let's face it people we never know what day will be our last and everyone I have ever talked to (or just read their story) has never regretted their travels! No matter what you live, learn, and experience. Or if you are Julia Roberts you eat pray and love... either way I WANT IT!
I took this picture last February.  It was a snowstorm in Chicago.. I left work and booked a flight that night for a week in Mexico. One of the best decisions I ever made. It was an amazing week...

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Someday we'll be together :)

Jay here...feels like forever since my last blog...have had so much to write but mom's internet has been down.  My brain is moving at a very intense speed while I debate my next move (in every way). 

 "It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis. "
-- Margaret Bonnano
I re read that quote to remind myself to live in the moment instead of worrying about tomorrow.  It used to be so easy, now I spend a large portion of time wondering, dreaming, brewing.  It's driving me wild, yet I can't shut it off.  Guess I should embrace it...

I ended up coming home a couple days ago to see someone I really care about who had to go through something untimely rough.  I am happy that I came, I know what it feels like to go through a loss and whenever possible if I can be there for those I care about, I want to.  I mean that in the most selfless way. Life is precious and I find it so important to remind those people you care about how much they mean to you as often as you can.   (for those who actually read this---thank you and cheers).

So being home makes me feel lots of emotions, mostly good ones.  I love my family and friends, my world up here is solid and delicious.  Yet, I don't live here anymore.  My life is consumed by two opposing worlds and I am caught in the middle.  It's an oxymoron.  Sometimes I wish I could control my feelings and passions...but I can't.  They run much deeper than my thoughts could fathom.  Everytime I come home, I am torn.  Should I move back and try to accomplish my goals here around my biggest support system, be a bigger fish in a smaller pond or really break the mold and stay where I am and become a great white shark in the big deep sea....the wheels are turning and I am burning for the answers. 

Mandy and I have been filming randomly over the past few months....stupid things, real things, happy, sad, good or bad, but none the less it started as a way for us to look at ourselves and just laugh.  We are working on compiling old and new footage to evolve into our own little documentary...

So for prince charming out there and all those million dollars we are working towards.... in the words of my girl Diana Ross ...someday we'll be together :)

I read something I want to share...

From the book I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was by Barbara Sher :

When we're children we have a couple of very big jobs to do.  We have to find out what our people want from us and we have to find out what we want. When our first job stops us from doing our second, we get lost.  

Thursday, January 27, 2011

If you don't like crying babies just get drunk!

Mandy here. Dropped Jay off at the aiport just a few moments ago. She's headed back home for a couple days.  I was jamming to her music on the long drive back just completely zoning out... you know how that goes when you forgot how you got home or what way you took? I was kinda jealous I wasn't at the airport.  I know most people hate airports but I love them.... ok, ok I mean sometimes it sucks when you are on a few hours of sleep and have a long lay over or whatever and they have shitty food and expensive drinks... that part might suck a little. BUT... the general vibe... I like to people watch and wonder where they are going, what they are doing, who they are.  I must say that every person I've ever met, talked to, or became friends with from the airport has been a very interesting, unique person!

When I walk through the airport I just get so excited to be going somewhere else.  I would say I enjoy breaking routine but I really haven't had a routine in the last 3 years so I can't use that...haha... I'm not sure what it is... It just feels right... It's exciting...I walk by different gates and see different destinations and think hmmm maybe I should try to sneak on this plane to vegas or I still haven't been to Denver.  Most of the time though I wish I was in the international terminal!!!! soon enough, soon enough!

While I am a very independent person I will say I'm sick of being at the airport alone. There has only been a few times when I'm not alone and those actually have been some of the best times.  I remember one time I flew into Atlanta from Chicago and met up in Atlanta with my sister and her bf we had a couple hours to kill so we found a southern bar with brisket and beer! By the way the brisket was terrible.. ALL fat no meat. EWWWW. But we had the best of time in preparation for vegas... we got really drunk and them stumbled to the gate almost missing our flight...Man is it hard to roll a carry on thru a completely full plane all the way to row 27.  :)