Jay here...feels like forever since my last blog...have had so much to write but mom's internet has been down. My brain is moving at a very intense speed while I debate my next move (in every way).
"It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis. "
-- Margaret Bonnano
I re read that quote to remind myself to live in the moment instead of worrying about tomorrow. It used to be so easy, now I spend a large portion of time wondering, dreaming, brewing. It's driving me wild, yet I can't shut it off. Guess I should embrace it...
I ended up coming home a couple days ago to see someone I really care about who had to go through something untimely rough. I am happy that I came, I know what it feels like to go through a loss and whenever possible if I can be there for those I care about, I want to. I mean that in the most selfless way. Life is precious and I find it so important to remind those people you care about how much they mean to you as often as you can. (for those who actually read this---thank you and cheers).
So being home makes me feel lots of emotions, mostly good ones. I love my family and friends, my world up here is solid and delicious. Yet, I don't live here anymore. My life is consumed by two opposing worlds and I am caught in the middle. It's an oxymoron. Sometimes I wish I could control my feelings and passions...but I can't. They run much deeper than my thoughts could fathom. Everytime I come home, I am torn. Should I move back and try to accomplish my goals here around my biggest support system, be a bigger fish in a smaller pond or really break the mold and stay where I am and become a great white shark in the big deep sea....the wheels are turning and I am burning for the answers.
Mandy and I have been filming randomly over the past few months....stupid things, real things, happy, sad, good or bad, but none the less it started as a way for us to look at ourselves and just laugh. We are working on compiling old and new footage to evolve into our own little documentary...
So for prince charming out there and all those million dollars we are working towards.... in the words of my girl Diana Ross ...someday we'll be together :)