Mandy here. What a long day... but relaxing now with a hot chocolate with a shot of espresso.. which doesn't make sense because I'm on 4 hours of sleep and really should be catching up on sleep.. not drinking coffee!!!! But the coffee tastes good and I can't sleep... too much on my mind.
Lease is up in about a month... I've been in LA for nearly 6 months and really haven't gotten a job here... sure I have gotten an odd job here or there and am doing another one tomorrow.... reality tv can be entertaining but it's not something I can say I'm proud of. Today briefly I entertained the idea of getting a job with health insurance and really great benefits for a fortune 500 company that is you know on that list for the best companies to work for. I even met with a friend who works for this unnamed company to speak to him about the job, the options, the pros/cons, application process, etc. etc. Getting the down low... ya know making an effort to "get normal" get a job... get it together you know??
Well comes to find out the position starts at $8.25/hr. Jay cracks me up every time she comes home and bitches about "working for peanuts" I picture her cute little voice saying that phrase over and over and I can't help but smile inside.. (I mean I feel bad and all but it's just such a funny saying to me for some reason) Anyways my point here is that I thought to myself... I am not working for peanuts.
Look I am not bashing anyone for working for that amount of money... they have great benefits... potential to move up within the company.. they have stability... consistency... routine.. something I can't say I have. So, in a way I am jealous of those people. I wish I could just settle for working for peanuts but I can't :( I 'm obsessed with the idea of making some serious bucks without a college degree or solid work experience in any area of expertise.. yep that's me... I'm a realist. bah!
The problem is I have changed my mind a million times. I have a real estate sales license, a health and life insurance sales license, use to sell home cleaning products, went to college briefly for management, worked at a bank, in various restaurants, at a strip club, and the list goes on. I was going to go to school to be a make up artist, I thought I wanted to be an actress, I have seriously planned out and thought about being a personal trainer, a chef, a fat bakery owner, a housewife, a nurse, a vet tech, a restaurant owner, a gardener, a travel agent, a flight attendant and a psychologist. Most recently I thought I should join the Airforce because I don't know what the hell to do with myself... I can't make a decision. Even when I do make a decision it changes the next day or the next week. It's kinda scary.... but I'm trying to embrace it instead of fighting it.... like I have been for the past two years. I'm done fighting.. I'm rolling with it....