Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Who's comin with me? (Mandy at least I hope ;)

Jay here...Welcome to Hollywood, the city of angels and the one place where if you dream something, you can actually do long as you have a nice bank account or as Mandy so nicely points out--CONNECTIONS.  Something's gotta give, I tell myself.  It's been a year here, a solid year of hustle and rejection...of course I have landed a few great jobs in this industry, but a few commercials and apperances on TV aren't going to pay my rent alone for the year.

My jaw is killing me right now, from the past 12 hours of working with a fake smile on my face while grinding my teeth trying to pretend like I actually enjoy what I am doing.  (I must be a great actor because people constantly tell me how nice it is to see a waitress who just loves what she does....)

To be sincere, I love helping people and used to love serving...but it has fully consumed my life.  I wake up, make coffee, hit up facebook, walk dog for a bit, go to restaurant 1, work out after work to de-stress, run home to eat and take my lil pup outside, then rush off to restaurant 2.  It's much harder than I thought it would be...(making it, that is).  

I get home and pour a Jameson, listen to some maroon 5 or some other lyrical genius while I sit and try to invent this "idea" that I know is burning inside me.  It's as if I am stuck inside a brick wall with my feet pinned to the ground, yet I can see the sky above and I know I can get there somehow!  This is not me.  I am always the person cheering others up, pushing for more, inspiring and being inspired.  When did I lose it?  Or is this part of that whole, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" stuff.

The best part is that I know, I am more certain than anything else, I have what it takes to break a mold and be a pioneer---but in what way??? That is the tricky part which I am sure we all face and most of us end up sacrificing a dream for comfort.  That is not me!  I have always lived life on the edge, taking chances and risking all that I may or may not have for something (or someone in some cases) that I am passionate about.

Everything will be just fine and I know things happen for a reason.  It is difficult to see people I look up to (i.e. David Spade, Jon Lovitz, John Lithgow, Britney Spears etc etc etc) on a daily basis and face the fact that I haven't yet done something big enough to be working with these people (for the most part).  Instead, I am taking orders, memorizing what kind of soups they like and remembering what drinks they had last week.  When I am lucky, one of them talks to me as a peer and offers me some grand advice about not giving up on a dream.  That inspires me.  Like a lightening bolt crashing over my head...WAKE UP are here, following your biggest dream and conquering your greatest challenge...and you are surrounded by the people who have been in your same shoes and now ...they made it.  It's a good feeling :)

Anyways, I feel similar to the character Jerry Miguire right now...I am so trapped, yet so inspired to just risk EVERYTHING and jump!  (When I say jump I mean plunge into the unknown, take a huge chance that scares me but intrigues me at the same time, not some creepy metaphor).  That is exactly what I am doing....I remember a conversation I had with Mark Cuban (and yes I am name dropping cuz he is effin doing it big).  He told me the best advice and I am taking it to heart.  Screw waiting around for agents and producers to call me and do things for me...I am my own producer, and I have all that it takes to record, document and entertain others on my own.  I can be a shoulder to cry on, or the greatest event of your life...either way I am spending the next few days writing, researching and getting ready to embark on something that will change my life...and hopefully yours.  Who's with me???

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